The Schwartz Sports Holiday Shopping List

By Peter Schwartz

With Thanksgiving in our rear view mirrors, the holiday season is in full swing and that means it’s also shopping season. The madness, for many people, began with Black Friday and continues this week in the days leading up to Hanukah and then later this month for Christmas.

My family and I have been busy with our shopping lists but I decided to do a little extra shopping. Here is my 2015 holiday shopping list for some teams, cities, players, and others around the sports world…..

The Cleveland Sports Fan: This is a tough one because there are a number of different things that I was looking for. There has been so much heartache and disappointment that it would take the perfect gift to make it a happy holiday season in Cleveland. I decided to go with a year’s supply of Alka-Seltzer and Pepto Bismol. Better make that a decade supply.

Cleveland Browns: Some common sense to do what the Jets did and what the Lions are doing and that is hire veteran football men as consultants to search for a new General Manager and Head Coach. Ownership doesn’t always have the right answers and they need to find someone who does.

Kobe Bryant: A happy and fulfilling retirement effective in April. After 20 NBA seasons, five World Championships and two Olympic Gold Medals, he deserves it. To suggest that he should walk away in the middle of the season is ludicrous. Granted he’s not playing very well, but he deserves the farewell tour and the fans deserve the opportunity to say goodbye and thank you.

Los Angeles: An end to this long, drama-filled NFL song and dance. An NFL return to LA has been long overdue, but I just hope the Chargers find a way to stay in San Diego. Perhaps the Rams should sing the Bon Jovi song “Who says you can’t go home?” and return to Los Angeles.

GREENSBORO, NC - AUGUST 23: Tiger Woods reacts after making his par putt on the first hole during the final round of the Wyndham Championship at Sedgefield Country Club on August 23, 2015 in Greensboro, North Carolina. (Photo by Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images)

(Photo by Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images)

Tiger Woods: One last chance to regain his old form. Judging by what he said on Tuesday, it doesn’t look like it will happen, but perhaps Santa can work a little magic and give Tiger one more run at a major championship.

New York Islanders: A chance to get a do-over and go home. To Long Island.

Las Vegas: An NHL team! Oh I really want this to happen. I think an NHL team will do great in Vegas baby! And I’m going to be selfish for a minute. I love Las Vegas and NHL hockey will give me another reason to visit. They are building a brand new arena and they need a tenant. The NHL should have the vision to bring hockey to Sin City!

NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell: Some advice. Please stop with this London nonsense. No wait let me clarify that. If we’re going to give London real NFL games then let’s make sure they give us some real English Premier League Soccer matches. If they get to see our NFL teams in a real game, we should get to see Manchester United or Chelsea in a real match in the states.

Golden State Warriors: What do you get a team that won an NBA Championship and has followed that up with a 19-0 start to the season? With no disrespect to Luke Walton, the World Champs deserve the return of Head Coach Steve Kerr as well as the mental toughness to navigate their way through a record breaking season.

Boston Red Sox: A home version of the popular game show “The Price Is Right”.

Major League Soccer: Some common sense to fix their playoffs. These total aggregate series don’t make any sense. Why penalize a team for a having a bad first game and force them to “match” the other team in leg two? I don’t care what they do in Europe. This is North America. Play two separate games and if it’s tied play a mini-game.

Kansas City Royals: A well-deserved pat on the back for putting a team together the right way and rewarding their fans with a championship.

New York Mets: See Kansas City Royals without the championship but the National League Champs need to present their fans with a few gifts like a shortstop, outfielder, and some relief help.

Jerry Jones: Nothing. He doesn’t deserve anything as a result of signing Greg Hardy, praising his leadership, and the mere thought of a contract extension.

Tom Brady: An anger management class and a new air pump.

New England Patriots: Integrity.

And finally, to the After Hours staff…..

Producer Tom: A starring role in the next Star Wars movie.

Isaac: A UFC contract.

Amy: A lifetime supply of lime chips.

And to all of you, our loyal listeners: An exciting 2016 in the sports world!

And there you have it….my 2015 sports holiday shopping list! If you think I missed anything, if you have your own suggestions, or you have gift ideas for me, send them to me on Twitter @pschwartzcbsfan.   Happy holidays everyone!

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