My Holiday Gift List For The Sports World

By Peter Schwartz

In less than two weeks, there will be joy in homes that have all of those presents nestled under the Christmas tree as well as for those families who will be celebrating the eight crazy nights of Hanukah.  For the record, Christmas Eve is the same night as the first evening of Hanukah so there will be smiles galore everywhere with all of those gifts getting unwrapped.

With that in mind, there are plenty of athletes, sports executives, owners, teams, leagues and fans that could use a few gifts this holiday season.  So while Santa Claus, family and friends have their lists to work with, here is my list of gifts for the sports world and the sports nuts that I work with on After Hours at CBS Sports Radio.

I’d like to give Tiger Woods the DeLorean from “Back to the Future” so that he could go back in time and regain his old form.

For Pelicans big man Anthony Davis, a little bit of help there in New Orleans otherwise he’ll be having second thoughts about signing that contract extension.

The New York Jets could really use new colors because as Kermit the Frog always says “It isn’t easy being green”.

NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell doesn’t really need any gifts from anyone since he earns a zillion dollars a year, but I’d like to give him some advice.  Give other countries pre-season games and not regular season games.  The NFL has plenty of awesome fans right here in the United States.

I really don’t know what to get Chicago Cubs fans.   I’ve been given them sympathy for so many years, but now I think they just need a lifetime supply of tissues as they continue to be emotional over that World Series win.

To Vin Scully, one more baseball game for the whole country to see.  For Verne Lundquist, one more college football game to do.  Those two epic voices will be missed!

I think it would be cool to give Lebron James a pair of flip-flops since he always professed to be a Yankees fan but was gaga about the Indians on their way to the World Series.  You can’t have it both ways Lebron!

Let me be clear that I don’t think that people who live in Las Vegas are dumb but I’d still like to give all of them a copy of the book “Hockey For Dummies” to prepare themselves for the Vegas Golden Knights inaugural season in 2017-18.

I think Nationals star Bryce Harper could really use a New York City subway map, a good real estate agent in the New York area, and an “I Love New York” t-shirt in advance of him signing with the Yankees after the 2018 season.

If Jaromir Jagr is going to keep playing hockey, he deserves access to the fountain of youth because as amazing as he is now at the age of 44, he was brilliant during the early, or should I say the earlier part of his career.

Wouldn’t it be great if Cowboys owner Jerry Jones had a pet monkey?  After all, he is a monkey fan!

For all of the soccer fans in the United States, four regular season English Premier League matches in exchange for the four NFL games that we’re giving London in 2017.

While I have soccer on my mind, I’d like to give new and old United States head coach Bruce Arena a magic wand to get the team on track to qualify for the 2018 World Cup.

Perhaps we could get NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman a new first name like Lou.  That is so when he gets booed, he’ll just think the fans are chanting his name.

I think the Penn State football program deserved all of the punishment they received as a result of the Jerry Sandusky case, but this is a new era and a new regime so I’d like to give them a berth in the college football playoff.

I’d love to give the San Diego Chargers a brand new stadium in San Diego because it’s a great city and those fans don’t deserve to lose their team.

Ditto for the Oakland Raiders and their fans although I do think it would be pretty cool to see NFL football in Las Vegas.

If there was ever a player in the NHL that deserves to lift the Stanley Cup, it’s Washington Capitals star Alex Ovechkin.  I think this may be a hard gift to get with teams like the Penguins, Rangers, Lightning, and Blackhawks all shopping in the same store.

Since I plan on going shopping at a sporting goods store, I thought I’d get New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady a new air pump.  Sorry I couldn’t resist but he’ll get the last laugh on me.  The Patriots are going to win the Super Bowl.

Toronto FC and their fans deserve a do-over of MLS Cup with better weather conditions and an opponent that can actually get a shot on goal during regulation or extra time.  Congrats to the Seattle Sounders on winning their first title, but that was an awful championship match.

From a selfish standpoint, my family and I would like to see the New York Islanders win a fifth Stanley Cup but first I think they’ll need a new general manager and a new head coach.

By the way, I’d love to take my family to the Pro Bowl.  It’s now in Orlando so that would be an excuse to also go back to Disney World!

And now for three people who I spend weekday overnights with at CBS Sports Radio, here are my gifts for the After Hours team…

For Producer Tom Di Benedetto, a return to glory for his beloved Florida Gators football team. I’d also like to get him a magic pill that will give him all the patience in the world when answering the phones at work.

Technical genius and master button pusher Isaac Feldman certainly deserves a chance to compete in a real UFC fight after toiling in underground MMA rings all over the New York/New Jersey area.

And for our host Amy Lawrence, a year’s supply of lime chips, an in-studio interview with Larry Bird, and an “I Love Social Media” t-shirt!

There you have it!  My list of holiday gifts for the sports world.  I could go on with more, but I really don’t have that much time to go shopping.  I have to finish up finding a few more things for my wife and kids!  Anyone have any ideas?

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